Aspiring Spirit

by Russell M. Stewart

If there’s one thing that every parent has had to learn the hard way, through experience, it is this - that parents are always wrong. Whatever we choose to do as parents, a friends’ parents are doing differently, or whatever we think is good advice to follow today, was scrapped by everyone else yesterday. Being a parent is hard work, and after all those childhood years resenting our own parents and vowing that we would do things so much better if only given the chance, we are now well aware that we are the very parents that we vowed we’d try not to be as children. It might well be the case that we’re not making the same mistakes as our parents, but we’re excellent at making whole rafts of new ones to make life interesting for ourselves and our children.

Of course, today the world in which our children are growing up is a very different one to our own childhood experiences. With computer technology and the rapid development and integration of the internet into daily life, our children are placed in situations far removed from anything we could have imagined. With friends on the other side of the planet that they have never met, but know intimate secrets about, and evenings spent in front of their monitor, in rapt attention, attempting to rescue the Lost Artefact from the Tomb of Al’Kqaar, or chatting away to the other members of their guild in order to bring down the mighty Fargore, we as parents can only sit back and wonder. And don’t worry - you’re not the only parent to scratch their head and wonder what it’s all about.

Of course, no one is going to suggest that simply because we are the generation of parents that we somehow lost all ability to cope with life in the 21st century - we can, most of us, use a computer perfectly well, and see it as a handy tool for sending emails, looking stuff up on the internet, maybe even creating letters or a graph. But perhaps it’s simply who we are as a generation, but the appeal of posting our intimate secrets on the internet for the whole globe to see is lost on us. We shred any personal documents or bank statements before burying them deep within the depths of our bins, and hate the idea of photographs of us being owned by anyone. Yet our children seem quite happy to publish embarrassing photographs and stories for all to see. They talk about friends, but have never met them, and this even challenges our definition of friend. To us, a friend is someone we are close to, hang out with, and spend time with. Our children’s friends seem to be distant, with the only interaction taking place in a virtual world.

Few of us can have missed the numerous stories on the news about children who go missing after meeting up with someone on the internet. The statistics are grim, and the reality is clearly that there are predators who use the internet as a way of accessing children. It’s easy to view the computer as the problem, as the cause of danger, and the temptation is to remove its presence from the home entirely.

But the truth is that it is not the computer which is dangerous, and the internet is not an enemy or something dark and subterranean that we should, or could, avoid. Every day we take many risks that could potentially endanger our lives. We drive a tonne of metal at sixty miles an hour just feet from other lumps of metal coming the other way, and accept this as perfectly normal. We stand far more chance of being killed driving on the road than we do of encountering danger on the internet. The difference is both in perception, and understanding. We perceive danger in the internet largely because of a lack of understanding, but because we understand the nature of the risks of driving, we see less danger. We wouldn’t drive on the motorway blindfolded, because we’d almost certainly be killed. Being voluntarily blinded to the risks of the internet not only increases our perception of the danger, but the actual level of risk involved.

So what are the main problems with using the internet, and what can we as parents do to help increase the safety of our children whilst they are enjoying this resource? The most important, and ultimately effective method of helping to support our children is education. This means education of ourselves, and education of our children. The more that you know and understand what is meant by messenger software, chat rooms, online games, profiles and avatars, the more you’ll be able to help your child understand the dangers, and the benefits of using the internet in a safe way. Remember, we’re not trying to scare our children away from the internet - it’s always going to be around and we’re not going to be able to stop them in the end, but we can help make them aware of the issues and help them make educated decisions themselves.

We are familiar with teaching our children about the dangers of the streets, and they are well aware of the risks associated with strangers. They know not to open the door to strangers, not to talk to strangers, not to accept lifts from strangers, and to simply run away and report anything suspicious. But on the internet, strangers can have names, faces, profiles, histories, and the advantage of distance. The problem is, of course, that our children don’t see a stranger, when they are looking at a profile of someone they’re enjoying chatting to. The fact that the photo of a child their own age, with a name, a school, hobbies and family, could all be fictitious is ignored. It is so easy for people to hide behind fake profiles, and thereby lull children into revealing just enough information to identify them.

There are other methods besides education which can be used, such as filtering software, monitoring software to record all chat logs, and software that can limit or restrict either the websites accessed or the times at which they can be accessed. Not allowing computers in the bedroom is another good tactic - if the computer is somewhere public, such as the living room, then it is less likely that your child will take risks, and it gives you the parent the chance to have a look at what they’re doing, express an interest, and learn more about the world they live in. Your child is more likely to talk to you about what they’re doing if you seem interested. Whilst restrictions, software and spy-like monitoring can help, at the end of the day, it has to be about your relationship with them, and the real world communication that takes place.

About the Author:

There are many parents blogs on the net and some offer very useful information on everything to do with kids. From advice on illness, nightmares, schooling and much more. Take a look, from kids to teens, great stuff.